A Series of Unfortunate Banishments
by Ro-and-Dan
Summary: It should be known that Legolas never takes his father's word seriously, this being the reason why.
1. Chapter 1

"I am taller then you now." Legolas pointed out, a smug smile etched on his face.

Thranduil blinked slowly, turning to look at his son, settling his ever present glare on him. "Excuse me?"

"By three inches!" He grinned, gesturing at the slight size difference between them.

Thranduil scowled, his eyes narrowing as he stared down his ecstatic son. "You will not speak of such things."

Legolas smirked. "You're just jealous."

Thranduil's scowl deepened. "Do not push me, Ion."

Legolas raised his hands, feigning innocence. "I have not laid a finger on you, Ada." He said, grinning.

Thranduil stepped closer to his son, his eyes narrowed. "You are banished."

Legolas blinked, the grin disappearing from his face. "Ada, w-what?"

Thranduil smirked, turning to the guard who had been silently watching the affair from the door. "Please send word to the shire, I shall be adopting Frodo as my son, he is less then half my height."

Legolas panicked slightly. "Ada, you cannot be serious?" A frown had appeared on his face, his eyes wide.

"Love you for life, Ion." He stated before ascending the stairs to his thrown room, leaving a very concerned Legolas at the bottom.

Legolas tilted his head slightly, staring at the house in front of him. This is where Gandalf had sent him, on his quest to shrink 4 inches in the hopes of reclaiming his fathers love.

Frodo had been understandably confused when a troop of Mirkwood soldiers had shown up to escort him to Thranduil, although he knew better then to protest.

Legolas sighed, stepping up to the stone house slowly, knocking gently on the door, stepping back slightly as he heard a hurried 'One second!'

The door flung open, revealing a old man dressed in midnight blue robes.

"'Ello there, Starswirl the blue at your service! How could I help you?" The man said with a grin.

Legolas raised a brow slightly at the mans overly cheery attitude, but answered non the less. "Gandalf sent me... he said you could help me with a very, um, specific shrinking potion..."

Ten minutes later Legolas was on his way, a whole 4 inches shorter then when he arrived.

Legolas walked up the steps to the Mirkwood palace with a determined look on his face, nodding curtly to the guards on his way.

"ADA!" Legolas yelled, his voice echoing off the walls of the cave as he made his way to the throne room, there sat his father and a rather excited looking Frodo, who was surrounding by much more food then someone of his size should be able to consume.

"I have taken a shrinking potion, and am now a whole inch shorter then you." Legolas said, standing straight to prove his point.

Thranduil raised a brow, the corner of his mouth lifting in a smirk. "Very well, Frodo you may leave now." Thranduil nodded slighty at Frodo.

Frodo smiled. "Thank you kindly for all the wonderful food, Lord Thranduil." He said with a nod before hopping up, following a guard out of the room.

Thranduil settled his gaze on Legolas, his small smirk shifting into a cheshire grin. "Dear Ion, you do know I was joking! You could have returned at anytime!"

Legolas threw his quiver at his father, leaving a nasty bruise on his forehead.

* * *

A documentation of the ridiculous things Legolas gets banished for part 1 of 76,138,296,492

-Ro


	2. Chapter 2

Legolas sighed as he faced off with his father, who wore an unamused look on his face.

"You did what." Thranduil droned, unbelieving of what his son had just said to him.

"I uh... traded your crown for an elk." Legolas said, a small humorous smile gracing his face.

Thranduil stood slowly, his face blank as he descended the stairs from his thrown, towards his son. "Ion nin." He said, his voice firm.

"Yes Ada?" Legolas answered, his small grin still present.

"Where is this elk?" Thranduil asked calmly.

"In the royal stables..." Legolas answered, slowly growing more worried by his father's calm attitude.

Thranduil nodded slowly. "The elk is mine, you are banished." He said nodding once at his son.

A few of the guards sighed in exasperation.

"But Adaaa, I picked it out by myself!" Legolas whined, completely ignoring that he had been banished.

"With my crown." Thranduil said, his eyes narrowing.

"Oh come on, it was just sticks, you can get a new one!" Legolas groaned.

"It is not that simple Legolas!" Thranduil hissed.

"It was when you sat on the last one..." Legolas grumbled.

"We do not speak of that." Thranduil hissed, spinning to face his son.

"The guards speak of it all the time though!" Legolas whined, gesturing to the very concerned guards.

Thranduil swept his harsh gaze over the guards, he would deal with them later. "I do not have time for this, I have already stated that you are banished, now leave my presence."

Legolas sighed, exasperated. "I will see you at dinner, Ada." He said, leaving the thrown room with a huff.

One of the guards positioned at the doors nudged another of the guards. "Um, shouldn't someone go after him...?"

The other guard snorted. "You must be new."

* * *

The actual backstory to the ridiculous moose (actually true, I swear.)

-Ro


	3. Chapter 3

"Tauriel, the king recall you, he wishes to speak with you" Feren said, his horse side stepping anxiously as weeping children ran by.

"No doubt to imprison me." Tauriel muttered, but obeyed the order none the less. "Legolas, your father recalls us!" Tauriel called to where Legolas was discussing something with Bard.

Feren shuffled awkwardly. "Um, my lady, Legolas has been banished..."

Legolas groaned, rubbing his and across his brow in annoyance. "Again? And now of all times."

Feren shrugged, his lips curling slightly in amusement.

Legolas sighed. "Very well, I shall occupy my time in some other way." He mumbled before storming off in a away akin to an elfling denied their favourite treat.

Tauriel snorted at the sight, before turning to Feren. "Shall we ride?"

Feren nodded. "We shall."

* * *

This is how this actually happened. And then Feren and Tauriel rode off together into the sunset. They got married 3 weeks later and has ten kids. -Ro


	4. Chapter 4

Thranduil sat down, looking super serious and attentive as he scowled at all the Men from Dale and Laketown here for a very serious meeting about very serious things that were important to them. He nodded and acted like he was paying attention as all the men complained a lot. Instead of actually paying attention he was drinking a lot of alcohol and thinking about how nice his stick crown would look if he maybe put some tinsel and berries on it. He figured it would look pretty nice.

He stood up and took a really big drink of his alcoholic beverage of disputable origin, ready to respond (and ask why all these Men thought he should care about their problems), when he suddenly started coughing and choking really loudly. All the Men from Laketown and Dale looked on with concern (and some with amusement). Legolas, sitting beside him, sighed loudly and buried his face in his hands.

Meanwhile, Thranduil was bent over double, grasping desperately onto the edge of the table. It sounded like he might be dying. Most of the Men thought he was. Some looked really concerned, a few looked relieved. Most were just trying really hard not to look as interested and entertained as they actually were.

Thranduil help up one hand, motioning for them to all hold on one bloody second and wait for him to continue. He almost did. He opened his mouth and managed to choke out "I'm totally-" before collapsing in another fit of hacking coughs and fell to the floor.

Bard stood up on the table, looking frantic, and shouted "IS HE OKAY?", holding both hands on either side of his mouth, which was gasping in an alarmed 'o' shape.

Legolas nodded. "Yes." He informed every single person in the room, setting his sippy cup of apple juice to the side. "He is A-ok. He is just choking on his own spit." He glanced over to his father, who was currently bright red in the face, wheezing for air, lying prone on the ground. "He does this often." He admitted.

The Men nodded and took their seats again, looking at him sympathetically.

Ten minutes later, Thranduil stood back up and readjusted his collar, trying to look completely dignified. "I am fine." He huffed, and turned to Legolas, narrowing his eyes. "You are banished."

Legolas sighed and left the room, going to pack his bags for the inevitable sleepover at Bard's house.

* * *

Please don't be mad at me for writing on your story, Ro... I'm sorry... ;_;

-Dan...


End file.
